Key Words Being Was a Female
by Ice Queen1
Summary: It all began with a fire extinguisher and a denied vacation request. After that, everything just sprialed downhill. MacGyver Crossover.
1. Was a Female

Author's Note: Ok people. This is my first Stargate fic, but my sister Andromeda Silver, has written several. Go check them out. Anyway, this is an excerpt from something I will finish if you people like it enough and want me to continue. Drop me a line, let me know if it's good or bad, if you like the characterizations or not. Thanks!

The soldier leaned in towards Jack and Daniel, Jack slowly tilting his chair backwards as the general came closer. 

"Who are you?" the general demanded. 

"Us?" Daniel looked over at Jack, who shrugged. "Nobody."

"Why were you sneaking around in the dark on a military base?"

"Because we didn't have a flashlight," Jack retorted. 

"Why were you there in the first place? Are you spies? Who sent you?" the general demanded, slamming both hands palm down on the rickety table. 

"Does he look like a spy to you?" Jack asked incredulously, nodding his head towards Daniel, who smiled innocently. 

"No spy actually looks like a spy," the general countered. 

"Then what makes you think we're spies? Maybe we're stupid tourists out to see the sights," Jack replied. 

"Well, actually, _he's_ a stupid tourist…I'm his friend," Daniel answered. His eyes suddenly widened at the implications that one sentence could be twisted to mean. "Not that kind of friend!" 

"Sure muffin, you just keep pretending," Jack quipped, smiling sweetly and batting his eyes. 

"I ask you again, what are your names?" the general demanded. 

"My name is Jack-" Jack's smile suddenly grew wider, "-son…Daniel Jackson."

"What?" the general and Daniel cried. 

"Daniel Jackson? Renowned archeologist, linguist, and Egyptologist?" the general asked. 

"And part time crackpot with hair-brained ideas about the pyramids being built by aliens," Jack supplied.

"Then who are you?" the general whirled on Daniel. 

Without missing a beat, Daniel replied, straight faced "Sam Carter."

Jack had to bite his tongue hard enough to bring tears to his eyes to keep himself from laughing. 

"The brilliant astrophysicist and Air Force Major?" the general asked. 

"The very same," Daniel replied. 

"The file said Captain Carter was a female," the general pointed out, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. 

"Key word being 'was' a female," Daniel replied immediately. 

Jack fell into a horrendous coughing fit that sounded suspiciously like howling laughter. 

"All right!" the general shouted, silencing the two errant vacationers. "What were you doing on my base? I would like to know before I have you thrown into prison!"

"You mean we aren't already? Damn, you need to redecorate. Maybe paint this place a nice taupe," Jack said. 

"I heard taupe is soothing," Daniel piped up. 

"TELL ME!" the general roared. He kicked the chair Jack was sitting in over backwards, knocking the colonel's head against the cement floor. 

"Stop it!" Daniel immediately demanded. For an archeologist, Daniel could look quite intimidating. 

"Not until you tell me what I want to know!"

Jack had recovered enough to make one more sarcastic remark. "I don't think I want to tell you. You just hurt me some more." 


	2. Grim Brothers

_24 Hours earlier…_

Things at Cheyenne Mountain had been relatively dead for a week, and it was beginning to drive everyone insane.

Normally, they might have been able to enjoy their slight reprieve from galactic disasters. Sam Carter had several side projects she wanted to get some work done on, Daniel Jackson had several hundred pages of a new language to decipher, and Teal'c was looking forward to just plain and simple down time to relax.

However, Colonel Jack O'Neill had nothing to keep himself occupied, as he didn't have official vacation time to go fishing or to his cabin, and thus resorted to irritating everyone else around him.

Earlier, he busied himself testing the propulsion capabilities of a fire extinguisher when the bearer was sitting in a wheeled chair in a long, straight hallway. General Hammond promptly put an end to it when the Colonel had collided with him exiting the elevator, which was how poor Daniel wound up being a babysitter for the severely ADD O'Neill. Fortunately for Daniel though, it didn't last too long.

After an hour or so, Walter stopped by to tell Daniel and Jack to report to the conference room on level fourteen, which meant that they were unaware of the Stargate and had to be sufficiently far away so as not to hear incoming travelers.

"Why are we the ones meeting this guy anyway?" Jack complained, scribbling aimless patterns on a scrap of paper.

"You? Probably as punishment," Daniel muttered offhand, without looking up from his notes. "I have no idea why _I'm_ here."

"Funny, Daniel."

"You need to find a hobby."

"I have a hobby. It's called 'fishing'," Jack protested. He started to fold the paper, which was now covered in jagged pen marks.

"You need an _indoor_ hobby then. That you can bring to work. Have you tried sudokus?"

"You know, the General could have just let me have my vacation and I wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't have to be wondering what the hell a sudoku is either."

"Life's unfair, isn't it?"

"Did you just answer your own statement?" Daniel asked, looking up. He blinked in surprise. Jack was unnaturally focused on the door to the conference room, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"What are you glaring at…?" Daniel trailed off as he followed Jack's gaze to the figure in the door.

"You!" Jack shouted, raising his finger to point at…himself. Or at least, someone that looked exactly like him without being a mirror. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I came to see you, is that a crime?" the man, who obviously knew Jack, retorted, smiling pleasantly and aggravating the Colonel even further.

"I thought we had an agreement? I wouldn't poke my nose into your life and you'd stay the hell away from mine!" Jack shot back, keeping his finger raised in a scolding manner and his eyes firmly on his subject as he stepped around the conference table.

"Um, Jack?" Daniel interrupted, raising his hand halfheartedly as though he were still in elementary school waiting to be noticed by the teacher. "Who is this?"

"Nobody!" Jack snapped. He now stood face to face with his doppelganger.

The other man extended his hand to Daniel, smiling the same pleasant smile. "My name is MacGyver. Nice to meet you."

Daniel very carefully accepted the offered greeting, shaking his hand slowly as he stared at the two identical people before him. Well, no, they weren't precisely identical. The one that introduced himself as MacGyver had slightly longer, scruffier hair, with a touch more brown in it than Jack's. He was also in civilian clothing. _He kinda looks like Jack after he comes back from vacation_…Daniel thought to himself, smiling at the thought.

"At least someone is glad to see me. Would've thought it'd be my brother, but hey…I'll take what I can get," MacGyver said, withdrawing his hand from Daniel's.

"You expected me to be _happy_?" Jack practically shouted. In the back of his mind, Daniel wondered how Jack could stay mad at MacGyver. There was just something about him that seemed so nice and friendly…completely unlike Jack.

"I was hoping for something a little nicer than 'why the hell are you here'," MacGyver replied.

"You two are related?" Daniel finally asked, though he supposed it was a rather stupid question.

"No!" Jack snapped at the same time MacGyver replied "Yes."

"Twins?" Daniel pressed.

"Yep. Born apart by two minutes. He's older." MacGyver jerked his thumb at the Colonel.

"Shut up. You haven't answered me. What are you doing here? Doesn't Pete have something for you to do?" Jack interjected.

"Actually, Jack…you are my assignment." MacGyver looked sheepishly at his feet.

"I don't think I heard you right, 'cause I think you just said _I_ was the assignment, and we both know how much I hate going on assignment with you," Jack growled.

"Oh come on Jack, I need your help for this one, _little_, teeny weenie thing," MacGyver implored, sounding like a petulant child.

"Little, teeny weenie things are usually huge, horrible problems that no one can solve except for you, and you only need me to act as a decoy and get myself shot again," Jack replied. "Don't you have another friend you can bother?"

"The other Jack looks nothing like me," MacGyver protested. "I need you!"

"Bite me!"

"Where?"

"That's just sick and you know it," Jack retorted, sneering.

"Please Jack?" MacGyver tried again.

"NO!" Jack shouted, before darting out the door. MacGyver quickly followed suit.

"Please?" MacGyver repeated.

"I am not listening, lalalalalala!" Jack yelled, covering his ears with his hands and booking it down the hallway, MacGyver chasing after him.

"Jack, stop acting like a child and at least _listen_ to what I have to say!" MacGyver protested, catching up to the fleeing Colonel and grabbing his hands, bringing them away from his ears. They were oblivious to the fact that Daniel had followed them down the hallway and was watching the altercation intently.

"Let go, Mac!" Jack ordered, trying to twist his hands away, but his twin held on.

"No!"

"I'll do the worst thing I can imagine!" Jack threatened, his usual grin suddenly reappearing.

MacGyver abruptly let go of his brother. "You wouldn't dare…"

"You should know me better than that! HEY DANIEL!" Jack suddenly shouted, causing the archeologist to jump.

"Me?" he gulped, suddenly feeling guilty for listening in and thinking himself about to be reprimanded.

"Guess what my brother's first name is?" Jack continued, smiling viciously as his brother paled.

"Shut up Jack!" MacGyver ordered, tackling the Colonel to the floor in attempt to either cover his twin's mouth or strangle him.

"It's—" Jack's answer was cut off by a vicious blow to the gut. "Ow! Mac! I thought you were the non-violent one!"

"Are you going to tell him?" MacGyver asked, his fist raised to deliver another blow.

"All right, all right…I won't tell him. Now get off of me," Jack growled, and easily shoved his twin off and sat up.

They were silent for a moment, Jack glowering as usual at his brother while MacGyver sat next to him, a slight grin on his face.

"So…" Daniel began. "What brings you here, MacGyver?"

"Hopefully, Mr. Duct-Tape Miracles has come to tell me I really don't have to follow him down to Belize or some other God-forsaken third world country to act like a decoy…_again_," Jack grumbled, climbing to his feet. He refused to offer his brother a hand up.

MacGyver, however, was not put off by Jack's cold attitude. Obviously, he was just as used to it as Daniel and the rest of SG-1.

"No, actually, I came at the request of a Sam Carter. Something about trouble-shooting a computer glitch," MacGyver answered. He grinned at his twin. "The decoy story was just to annoy you."

"Oh, Sam asked you here?" Daniel asked, trying to keep the brothers away from each other, or at least, focusing their sole energies on irritating each other.

"Yeah, do you know where I can find him?" MacGyver turned back towards the archeologist. "I would ask Jack except I'm pretty sure he'd just lead me to an abandoned elevator shaft and throw me down it."

"Would not," Jack protested. "I know you. You'd get out of that somehow. I would duct tape you in a sheet and set fire to you, then stick your ashes in a Tupperware container, then chain it up and throw it to the bottom of the ocean on PX-8282."

"PX what?" MacGyver raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing," Jack and Daniel automatically chorused, suddenly looking suspiciously innocent.

Still staring suspiciously at his brother, MacGyver said, "Right…anyway, could one of you take me to an elevator? I kinda got lost between wherever we are and the conference room."

"What level to you need to get to?" Daniel asked, steering MacGyver back towards the elevator.

"SL-28."

Daniel stopped. "Pardon?"

Jack suddenly appeared on the opposite side of MacGyver, raising a suspicious eyebrow. "SL-28?" he repeated. He leaned backwards, wiggling his eyebrows and bobbing up and down on the balls of his feet. "Indeed."

With that, Jack strode ahead of them, hands in his pockets while muttering to himself "Indeed."


End file.
